The Sum of Some Fears/Transcript
(Turn handle three times) Jack-in-the-Box: BOO! Haaa, never gets old! Hey, you wanna see something really scary? (Accept mission) *'Jack-in-the-Box (to human):' Great! We’re gonna play out this sad widdle wobot’s greatest fear! It’s gonna be hilarious! *'Jack-in-the-Box (to Claptrap):' Great! We’re gonna play out your greatest fear! It’ll be hilarious! *'Jack-in-the-Box (to human):' Let’s dig deep into Clappy’s little mind, if you can call it that. Now, where is his deepest fear? *'Jack-in-the-Box (to Claptrap):' Let’s dig deep into your mind, if you can call it that. Now, where’s your deepest fear? Jack-in-the-Box: Let’s see what we can find! Open it, open it! (Pull lever) Jack-in-the-Box: Stairs! How super-terrifying! But COME ON, we can do better than that. Open it! Open it! Jack-in-the-Box: C’mon, open it! I’m dying! Open it! (Pull lever) CL4P-TP: Helloooo traveler! Jack-in-the-Box: HAHAHA! He’s afraid of himself! We can do better than that though, right?! Jack-in-the-Box: Okay, so -- what do we got? (Pull lever) Jack-in-the-Box: That doesn’t look scary at all. System says it’s the deepest fear here… So go in! Let’s see what it is! (Approach T.K. Baha’s Shack) *'Jack-in-the-Box (to human):' Still not scary! Man, even Claptrap’s worst nightmare is busted! *'Jack-in-the-Box (to Claptrap):' Still isn’t scary! Not scary! Man! Even your worst nightmare is broken! *'Jack-in-the-Box (to human):' Well, maybe talking to that broken-down redneck’ll spice things up. *'Jack-in-the-Box (to Claptrap):' Well, roll on over to that broke-ass redneck and see if he can’t spice things up a bit. (Talk to T.K. Baha) *'T.K. Baha (to human):' Who’s there? You smell like money and violence! Hehehehe! *'T.K. Baha (to Claptrap):' Who’s there? You smell kinda like… sadness and regret. That’s weird. *'Athena (if present):' Uh, I’m a friend. *'Nisha (if present):' Ha, they should bottle that! I’d buy it. *'Wilhelm (if present):' My two favorite things. *'Claptrap (if present):' I’m a robot inside a robot, if you can believe that! *'Jack2 (if present):' Yeah, came for the first, got the second. Life’s a cruel mistress. *'Aurelia (if present):' Eau de Gen-viev does contain certain undertones -- bravo! T.K. Baha: Well, it’s been forever since anyone came by. Today’s the anniversary I lost my beloved Marian to that damned skag. T.K. Baha: Say, could you do me a favor? My little schnitzel loved these flowers called “Desert’s Kiss”. Almost as gorgeous as she was. Would mean a lot if you could fill the vase on that there shrine with ‘em. (Pick up last flower) T.K. Baha: Yep, smells like you gone and found it, hehehe! Bring it on back to me! Jack-in-the-Box: Things had better get scary soon, I’m super bored! (Place flowers) T.K. Baha: Holy cow, you done did it! Thank you so much, hehehe! You are quite the little helper! *'Athena (if present):' I am not! You’re welcome. *'Nisha (if present):' Whatevs. *'Wilhelm (if present):' Heh, no problem. *'Claptrap (if present):' Thank you, sir! *'Jack2 (if present):' No problemo! Was actually kinda fun. *'Aurelia (if present):' Men have died for less... but I'm feeling perversely generous. T.K. Baha: Marian would’ve loved to meet you! Darlin’, I miss you every day. I pray I see you again REAL soon, hehehe! Jack-in-the-Box: Oh, COME ON! Claptrap’s worst fear is being ALONE? That’s it? I was at least expecting tentacles! T.K. Baha: Naw, see -- I’m his fear of OTHER PEOPLE’S loneliness! His heart doesn’t point inwards to himself, but reaches outwards, to others. Jack-in-the-Box: Pfft. Okay. Claptrap’s Consciousness: Okay, enough is enough! Claptrap’s Consciousness: T.K. just wants his wife back -- is that TOO much to ask? Know what? This is my mind, and I’ll have things any way I want! Hhnnnrrrrggh! HRRRRNGHH! T.K. Baha: Marian?! Holy skag crap! C’mere, lil’ darlin’! Marian: Oh Teddy! I’ve missed you, mine little squirrel! Jack-in-the-Box: Oh, please, I’m gonna vomit! We all know how this needs to end, so, let’s make some corrections, people! Hyperion: Attention, all intruders: please prepare for extermination. Thank you for your cooperation. Claptrap’s Consciousness: VAULT HUNTER, SAVE THEM! *'Athena (if present):' I stand ready! *'Nisha (if present):' Wouldn’t miss it for the world! *'Wilhelm (if present):' Why the hell not. *'Claptrap (if present):' You bet your ass I will! *'Jack2 (if present):' Sure! Sounds like a blast. *'Aurelia (if present):' Sounds delightful! Tally ho! T.K. Baha: It’s all right Marian, I’ll keep you safe! T.K. Baha: They won’t take you, Schnitzel! NOT THIS TIME! Jack-in-the-Box: Finally! A little meat for my fear sandwich! Hyperion: The system had been infiltrated. All protocols activate murder, martyr, and manslaughter subroutines. Claptrap’s Consciousness: Oh, NO! Not THESE guys! (Kill enemies) T.K. Baha: You’ve no idea how happy I am! Hehehe… I’ve got my Marian back, and all is right with the world! I’d kick up my heels if I wasn’t afraid of my leg flying off, hehehe! Thank you, thank you and thank you! (Turn in) Claptrap’s Consciousness: Hey, thanks for helping out back there. Sure, those guys aren’t real, but being in my subconscious must be the next best thing, right? Category:Transcripts